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China to boycott Olympics

April 11, 2008 on 9:55 pm | In Uncategorized |

The Chinese government has announced that it will boycott the 2008 Olympic Games.

“We are sick of the faux outrage being expressed by those who have invaded and occupied Iraq and destroyed the lives of its people,” said* a spokesperson for the Chinese government. “Concern for human rights comes oddly from the mouths of those who think nothing of murdering people from 10,000 metres or forcing millions from their homes.”

The Chinese authorities said the games facilities would still be there for anyone who wanted to use them. “Just don’t expect us to provide any help,” the spokesperson said. “We thought Western countries were serious about making a distinction between Olympic games and political games but obviously we were too naive.”

The Australian Olympic Committee expressed its outrage at the decision. “How can we win gold medals with our spiffy new hi-tech swimsuits while chanting ‘Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi’ in a strictly non-political way if there’s no water in the pool?” asked a spokesperson. “The Chinese government should be ashamed of itself by injecting politics into this joyous, carefree, strictly amateur gathering of a lot of kids who only want to have fun.”

* Reporters gasped and applauded when the spokesperson spoke in English. “Chinese person does us great honour to learn our language,” said one of the Australian media pack.