Bees are bastards

March 19, 2007 on 11:31 am | In Uncategorized |

I don’t trust bees. Anything that wants to hurt me by killing itself makes me nervous; I don’t care if it’s an Islamo-fascist suicide bomber or a bee or a geriatric male driver wearing a hat.

A bee got me a beauty this morning. There are heaps of the bloody things on the beaches round here. They lie in a foetal position in the inter-tidal zone, waiting for innocent joggers like me.

Obviously they’re in their death throes so you’d think they’d close their eyes and try to make peace with their maker, but no. If you accidentally step on one they cling to the sole of your foot and sting til your eyes water.

Then of course you have to hop around on one leg looking for the sting to pull out which isn’t easy when you left your specs in the car, not wanting to spoil the youthful image that you’re trying to project which made you go for a jog in the first place.

I don’t understand WTF all these bees are doing on the beach anyway. It’s not like we have flowers on the beach in this neck of the woods. Something odd’s going on and I wish the government would come clean about it.

3 Comments »

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  1. It’s the adolescent male driver wearing a hat that you should worry about rather than the geriatric variety.

    Comment by bowls clubber — March 19, 2007 #

  2. Mitigator Rules!
    I can recommend a new “scrub” product called “Mitigator Sting & Bite Treatment”; to say that it is terrific is an understatement! It actually removes venom by exfoliating the top layer of skin, opening the pores and drawing out the toxins. I had instant relief from pain and itching and all traces of the sting disappeared within minutes. I found it on the web at www.MitigatorGov.com which is their military website. I called and they sold me (6) ½ ounce packages for about $2.00/pack (each resealable pack treats about 20 stings or bites). The only thing that can create a problem is if you wait too long to apply it, it should be rubbed in vigorously within the first few minutes after the bite or sting – the longer you wait, the less effective it is. I’ve used it on bees, wasps, fire ants (no blisters even appeared), mosquitoes and chiggers. They say it works on jellyfish but I’m a long way from the ocean so I haven’t needed it for that problem. No smelly chemicals, works great and is even safe for kids (the scrubbing replaces scratching so – no secondary infections). I should make a commercial for them!

    Comment by Amanda — March 21, 2007 #

  3. Damn government!

    Comment by Invig — March 22, 2007 #

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